want a cat
and to finish a song.

so many middles but no beginnings.

that's me!

I'm actually enjoying myself.
It's spring again!
I like wearing less clothing.
Not gonna lie.
Walking barefoot is my favorite thing to do.
PRP this weekend yayyy
even though raine told me that there's gonna be fuckin cameras everywhere because Becca is on Made.

fuck that. It's stupid.
Anyways after that sleepover with kelsey, lo, and hopefully morgs.

and BEFORE that Seattle all day with Westin!
this week is going to be packed.
and summer will be insane.

I'm so glad to have a life again.
Even more to have one I like.

is pretty breakfast and
a sunny morning
with someone you enjoy!

GIRL SCOUT COOKIES ARE IN MY HOUSEHOLD.

but those little girls charge four fucking dollars for a measly little box of samoas.


goddamn their delicious secret recipes.

I've had some pretty good days so far this week.

and tomorrow I'm going to be slightly school spirited.
who the hell saw that coming?

Basically our team got into state, and RHS rented 12 buses so that everyone can freely skip school to go see the basketball game that is at 11:00 or so in the morning.
I got my ticket and permission slip today,
but eally I'm only doing it so I can get out of school at 10:30.

here are (were, as I've already decided) the ( pros/cons ) of my options, (which are school or game).

Anyways,
I'm off to watch Secret Life of the American Teenager.
I fucking love this show.
It's nice and warm outside today, too!
I wore a skirt and combat boots.

kbye.

I've been lazy and haven't written anything about Christmas.
This year was different than we've had it before, because usually when we're with mom we go to Longview for Christmas, and celebrate with our entire family... lots of food, lots of relatives, and every corner I turn I hear "oh, Abby! Look how you've grown since we've last spoken!" uh huhhh good times. Katie and I have a pact that when one of us is trapped in conversation with our Great Uncle Bill, the other one finds a reason to rescue them and take them away from him. He's very nice, and his stories about working in the mines were interesting the first, second, even third time I heard them... but really, in the past 10 or 11 years, they're just not anymore.

Anyways. Because of the snow this year, we were unable to go... and so were my grandparents and uncle Matthew. So we headed up to Bellingham to visit them instead. We stayed for the 23rd-26th, and celebrated Christmas like we usually do in Longview... just not as many people. First thing in the morning, we all wake up and open our stockings! I must say, I got some pretty awesome stocking stuffers this year... my favorite thing was this little foam block with a different color and a number 1-4 on each side. Each side of the block is for a different part of a manicure- side 1 files, side 2 buffs, side 3 smooths, and side 4 shines. It may sound dumb, but it is by far the coolest and simplest thing I've EVER seen in my life. I did my sister's nails on the bus ride back up to Bellingham this week, and it entertained me for a good 40 minutes.

Presents! I made my mom an acrylic painting of a flower, with a colorful background... she really likes the bright floral stuff it seems, and she enjoyed it a lot. We gave my uncle a sweatshirt and underwear... but not just any underwear. "3 weeks, 17 countries, 1 pair of underwear" underwear. It's supposed to be really easy to wash and dry. He thought it was funny. I'm sort of screwed for Dad and Kath and Katie, as I haven't even finished any of their presents... we have yet to celebrate Christmas since it's been a week or two since we've seen them, but it will be in the next few days and I need to hurry up and finish! For Grandpa we got him a big puffy comfy vest for winter, and we have Grandma a chicken apron and a picture of a bird on a flower... very nice. Everyone really liked what they got.

As for me, I think my favorite present was my Capo. I haven't named him yet, but Fernando and I can play so many new songs with our new little friend! Boats and Birds, A wish, Follow You Into the Dark, Without You, Rocks and Daggers... YAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!

other than that, I got some really good books, a big book with pretty art journal pages in it, I think there's a thousand; some t-shirts, Sailor Moon DVDs (another favorite... Westin and I watched all of them the day after I got back heheh) Kohl's Giftcard, guitar picks and strings... pretty good stuff.

Westin and I had our gift exchange the day I got back. I painted him a picture with a bunch of colors blended together in the background, and a big tree on the side sitting on the world... saturn in the middle, and the sun in the corner. I did it on stretched canvas, and he LOVED it! Then I opened mine, and before I saw it he made sure that I knew he made what was inside. I pulled it out, and he made me a pink heart shaped candle on a little sparkly plate, and it smelled good! And then I opened up the next one, and there were five little green sun shaped candles in a bowl with blue beads at the bottom. He said to fill up the bowl and the little candles will float :) and he made them all himself. It was adorable and unexpected! My favorite part though was the card he made out of construction paper. It was the sweetest thing ever.

Anyways, all in all... Christmas was great, had a good time with my family.
Happy 2009 kids!

I discovered I do, indeed, like Death Cab for Cutie.

so love the one you got,
cause you might get run over or you might get shot.

adventures over the past two weeks!

-I unknowingly got in the car with a drunk driver in the beginning of this
beautiful snowstorm. Fucking ridiculous.

-3 snow days, duh. I've had the most insane snow days I could ever imagine,
thanks to Westin.

- I haven't been to girl group for 3 weeks :( not my fault,
but I miss it a lotttt

- STILL haven't gotten to go to Seattle, which sucks, but whatever.

- I got Felipe back briefly!!! He might be leaving me tomorrow because
my mom is just awesome and doesn't care that I have a 3.05 GPA
... I haven't even gotten to text Raine back yet!

- But, excellently, I have a great father, who is giving me his old Razr (as much as I
HATE them) to put my sim card in. So that will be wonderful and great, and I can easily
talk to whoever I want, just in small quantities so it shows up as not that much on the
bill.

- I learned to play "calling you" and "good riddance" on Fernando.

- I've been having the freakiest dreams ever... like 3 weird,
scary, confusing nightmares each night for the past week, which SUCKS.

-all except for one, which he thought was really cute..? :D

anyways I'll give a lovely Christmas update in a few days, complete with pictures if I can ever figure out how to do that. It won't be nearly as sketchy and crap as this one is.

with all these people

talking about how high and baked and stoned they are
in myspace bulletins.


get a fucking life.
nobody cares about how much you smoke.
or how DANK your bowl was.

"perception is reality."


if you believe a lie,
it's your reality.
it's your perception.

not everyone's is the same.
but for each individual,

their perception
is their reality.

weird shit.

I am enjoying fall
with all the colors and plaid
and my boots and the trees
and my flannel and the rain
everything is great when
someone has their arms around me
and I can play Fernando!

I dyed my hair.

good stuff.
I was so bored.

was quite lovely
Westin came over
and we watched
the Omen and
The Exorcism
which was EXCELLENT

...FUCKME

with a knife??

okayyyy anyways
so Westin and my mother finally met under better circumstances.
she seemed to enjoy his company.
so we snuggled and played Fernando and watched scary shit
and THEN Marjorie and her posse of unexpected visitors came over

she was so fuckin adorable
"ohmygod Abby they're dressed like SUCH WHORES."

and sure enough, that they were.
It was inspiring and truly hilarious.

anyways, so I was also in awe over how cute the little girl that came
dressed as a mermaid was. {{SO CUTE}}

I sorta wished we could have gone to the show and all that,
but we had so so so much excellent fun staying in anyways.

Annnnd I had a moment of brief impressedness with myself
for teaching WESTIN something on the guitar
[closing time by Semisonic]
even though he could've just as easily looked it up.. (whatever haha)
it was like a backwards millenium.

And he taught me a song too
[wonderwall by Oasis]

the Exorcist was so much funnier than I thought it would be.
Truly awesome.
It will never be forgotten.

anyways my fingers hurt like FUCK from playing Fernando since like 9:30 or something
so now that I'm typing it's really not getting much better

soo I'll write more later.

Happy No-Shave November :]

being sweaty in summer
running around at night not being cold
looking at the stars!
squinting from the sun
wanting to be able to wear jeans
but being unable to

I miss riding my bike to places
and visiting OFH
and going to Girl Group every saturday.

shows that go crazy
polaroid cameras that don't function
sleepovers and almost streaking
wanting to get closer to you

simplicity
curiosity
freedom from some things
relaxation

opening my window because
my room was just too damn hot

staying at a park until 11
and not being in trouble.
smiling and staring.
bright colors and releasing balloons.

not caring about anything
except for love

not caring about anything
in a good way.
not in a spiteful way.

I miss kazoos!
and smelling cigarette smoke whenever
I turned the corner of that street

being scared to sit next to you on the playground.
being too small to be pushed on the biggest swings.
avenging my best friend that you put in the jungle gym jail
by giving you my cooties for the entire rest of the day.




I think it's time to write a song!

I'm such a dumbshit.

it is very dark outside
and there's a yellow streetlight
I've discovered new music
I'm scared
and I wish someone was here


I had the grossest and most hilarious experience of my life tonight

I never thought I'd ACTUALLY see that shit

hahahhahh

anyways
it's very late
I must sleep myself

good night.

I am ignorant.
I am cold.
I am scared.
I am unsatisfied.
I am relentless.
I am predictable.
I am habitual.
I am excited.
I am wishing.
I am sad.
I am waiting.
I am nervous.
I am apathetic.
I am crying.
I am smiling.
I am strong
I am secretly very weak
I am keeping your secrets
I am wishing they weren't secrets
I am wanting you to tell me the truth.

I am anxious
I am suspended
I am curious
I am bitchy
I am let down.
I am lying...
I am lying poorly.

I am unmedicated.
I am deciding.
I am sure that there is only one thing in my life I am sure of and
I am not even positive he thinks the same way.

I am bad with words.
I am searching for ones that are more powerful.
I am in favor of the quote actions speak louder.

I am far too literal
I am far too sarcastic.

I am craving
I am dying
I am small.

I am not me.
I am not you.
I am only what I am.
I am only what I want to be.

no one will know what I speak of.
no one would believe me if I did.




I am the keeper of my favorite secret.

a lot has happened

and I am so happy to finally be able
to say (I think) that the drama is over.

people can write what they want ;)

homecoming is only a few weeks away!
going with my ridiculous novio.
and group with Emily, Camila, Marjorie, Caitlyn..
and I would assume Tim, Kevin, Jesse.. and duh, Westin.
maybe more!

yaaaayyyyyy!!!! I'm so excited.

life is pretty awesome, actually... quite so.

blackberries
drama-free
favorite jeans
recyclable dress
hanging out with old friends
!

I miss
my raine and camila

:(

and I miss






my mom.

not in the way that she's across the world right now.
I miss my mom.


everything I say to her leads
to my "success in life"
to how "I'm going to fail"
and end up managing a McDonald's
to how I'll end up in (gasp) community college
"trying to transfer someplace that will actually get you somewhere in life"


I miss sitting and talking
about everything
all the gossip
from school
and work
and not
just

how much she thinks I suck.

anyways.

I just want it to be summer.
I really can't wait.
because I'm dead serious
if he is.

hey, I'm up for an adventure.

She's always thinking about somewhere else
that girl always sitting on the steps outside
and I, I wanna know what's going through
her mind
but maybe I've taken a step before inside
that girl she always wanted something different
move out to the coast or somewhere she can hide
and I, I've always wondered where I'd go
If I could run
but that girl, that girl
there's nothing left to stop her
And we've always looked around for something
or maybe just for someone
that we can love out loud
but that girl and I
we've got two different lives
but that girl and I
we've got the same eyes
and all we can see
is something so far off
its where we want to be
but that girl
she sits on the roof and just stares
stares at the sky
Its daring her
to run away and try, try to survive
but I
I've never really known what I want
inside
But now I'm looking around and I don't see my place
and that girl
she sits on her steps elbows on her knees
she's prayin that she can run away freely and I
that girl and I we've always argued
but its all the same
even if
nothing ever changed in my mind
that girl
is always sitting on the corner just
waiting for me to turn around
she knows I will
she's just waiting
that girl
that girl and I
we only see this from different sides